Souvenirs

I didn't go to the market

to buy a papyrus or a galabiya

the souvenirs I got from there

are imprinted in me:

my aching heart

my confused mind

my poisoned veins.

Deposits of

sex, love, alcohol, hash

manipulation, abusement, paranoia

suspend in my blood,

and one tattoo

inscribed in my skin.

My identity is out to get me

My culture is hunting me down

My language is after me

My roots are jeopardizing my choices

My being is suspected

My identity is out to get me

Being lost

The only person I trust

is someone I don't trust.

The only person I want to speak with

is someone I cannot speak with.

I'm not a criminal

yet the police is after me.

I don't want to hurt anyone

yet my being may hurt my dearest friends.

pieces of energy

Ripples

pieces of energy

like pieces of love

that is too intense

to share at once

so it is being splitted

into small

and smaller

pieces,

fractions

of intenseness

fractions

of a great power.

Conglomerate

A conglomerate 

is a rock

made of pieces

of other rocks...

a reflection

of its surroundings

and climate.

So do people,

made of pieces

of other people...

a reflection

of their culture

and temper.

So show me your pieces

and I could tell

between which mountains

you grew up.

Letting go

Call me

so I could tell you to go

so I could have a chance

to say

loud and clear

I don't accept it anymore,

it's over.

But you called me

many times

and I never said it,

perhaps I won't also next time,

so don't call me

just go.

Ripples

Ripples are a show

of affection

between the wind

and the water.

The wind is caressing

the water is curving

a constant gentle touch

between the two massive bodies.

A touch of energy

that spreads

and expands...

echoes of love

that slowly decreases...

until it cannot be detected

anymore.

But I remember seeing it

I remember feeling it

I remember.

There is always something to lose

I met you

and started losing

piece by piece

of myself

of my personality

of my integrity

of my mind.. 

meeting you and losing me...

until there was nothing left to lose.

Then I met you again

and lost some more...

So I've learnt:

there is always something to lose.

You remind me of the wind

You remind me of the wind:

coming from somewhere, 

going somewhere, 

caressing me on the way.

Touching and going.

Refreshing my skin, 

my body, 

my mind.

Not staying.

Impermanent.

تذكرني بالرياح

تذكرني بالرياح:

تأتي من مكان ما,

تذهب الي مكان ما,

تداعبني حين تمر.

تلمسنى و تذهب.

تنعش جلدي،

جسدي،

عقلي.

لا تبقى.

غير دائم.

Identity

My face

My accent

The passport I hold

My age

My money...

I haven't chose them.

But some people choose 

to see only them in me,

some people choose

to define me by them.

My smile

The words I speak

The drawings I draw

My energies

My deeds...

I choose them every day.

Look at them,

they define me.

Now that you are out of my veins

Now 

that you are out of my veins,

that I am immuned to your poison,

I can start dealing with the issues I've suppressed so far,

the issues that are a constant struggle 

and confusement 

to me.

I can start digging 

in my identity.

Because all the pain you've caused me

is nothing compared with the pain caused by my identity.

The boy I could not save

I look at you and I see him

the boy I could not save

to whom I could not help

who is not a child anymore

and fighting me

pushing me away

yet meeting me again and again

not giving up...

Like you do.

The boy I love so much

whom I missed 8 years

whom I never knew if I would see again...

And here he is.

Angry

Tired

Neglected

Sad

Clever

With a big bright smile...

Just like you.

I look at you 

and I see him

I touch your pain

and I feel his

your hand is slipping from mine

so does his.