Your sweet smell remained

You are gone.

You have been here only a few hours,

infected me with your sweet smell,

that remained a whole day

on my skin...

until it was washed away...

You have been here only a few hours,

but your sweet smell remained,

reminding me of your sweetness

and beauty

and our joy

together.

Pain remains in the air

Pain remains in the air

Joy fades

That is why pain is addictive

Pain consumes energy

Joy creates energy

That is why pain wears us out

Pain is what we share

Joy is what I share with random guys

Does that make me crazy?

Abusement

Abusement

is when you take your anger on me

Anger

comes when you feel you have no control on things

Control

makes you feel strong

Strength

is the only way to survive

Survival

is the way you manage your life

Life

is what makes you confused

Confusement

is why you abuse people

Abusement

is when you take your anger on me

Love is the greatest power

Love is the cure,

the medicine,

it has the power to heal your wounds,

to restore your trust,

to make your life good...

Love...

is what you deny from yourself.

I'm happy

I'm happy.

My poems are lacking pain

lacking witty

lacking deep insights...

The words seem artificial

Even the lines don't flow one after another.

But I'm happy.

The sadness is taking over

I'm losing you

perhaps I have already lost

you

I feel the sadness taking over me

encompassing me

flowing through my body

reaching each corner

Numbing me

Numbing my body

Numbing my soul

Not letting me sleep

Not even to fall asleep

Making me indifferent

To all that surrounds me.

*

Not to think

Not to feel

Not to remember

Not to try to understand

Not to call

Not to wait for a call...

And maybe then

my heart would not hurt

so much

I'm walking in a city that is yours

I'm walking in a city that is yours

in a neighborhood that is yours

in a street that is yours

yet I'm not looking for you.

I'm not checking people's faces,

perhaps one of them is you.

I'm not looking at the local cafes,

maybe you are sitting there.

And I know 

that even if you would rise

you would not rise up

you would not break

and not into my arms.

Reunion, supplemental

It lasted three nights

and then abruptly you walked away.

I was a fool to think that it would last more than that

a fool to think it is more than it is

a fool to love you again

a fool to let you distort my balance...

And now you are about to fly away

and not come back

I already know

how empty would feel the city

without you.

This city without you

I'm leaving this country

you said

when we first met

and I was happy for you

wishing you would succeed

to escape this prison.

I'm leaving this country

you said again 

today

and I was restless

still wishing 

you would succeed

to escape this prison.

How can I imagine this city without you?

who would call to ask

  "where are you?"

who would come to sleep in my hug

who would tell me people's secrets

who would ignore me

who would play with my heart

  with my mind

  with my body?

Vengeance

I'm afraid of my own power

I can destroy your life

In one minute

With one action...

I never take revenge

I never hurt on purpose

But you are pushing me

Testing my limits

And I feel so close to the edge

So close to destroying your life

In one minute

With one action.

But I know

That by doing so

I will destroy myself as well.

This is how it should be

A man is kissing me.

He is passionate and gentle

he is touching me... 

letting his palm explore my body...

letting his body smell mix with mine...

I'm kissing him

he is enjoying it...

He is smiling, his eyes are shining

I am smiling, my mind is shining

we are not stopping

we are not letting go

there is no pain in the air...

This is how it should be...

Life is like a metro

Life is like a metro

each station is a person

and we hop on and off

haltting in some stations,

skipping others,

continuing our journey...

until we reach the station that magnetises us,

that makes us pull over,

and stop.

But I'm a nomade,

a wanderer

a tramp

always on the move...

I don't stop.

I didn't stop at my high school sweetheart,

I didn't stop at the love of my life,

I didn't stop at my legal husband,

and I will not stop at you.

Reunion

How can I sleep

when you are here

I don't want to lose 

a single moment 

with you

You turned around the whole night

couldn't decide

which hug of mine

you like better

You are finally here

I didn't sleep the whole night

I couldn't sleep

I was too busy hugging you

and kissing you

and smelling you

and smiling

and being happy

I am a vampire of pain

I am a vampire of pain

I feed on people's pain

I walk by them and sense the pain

I look into their eyes and see the pain

I hug them and feel the pain.

And then I suck the pain

let it flow in my blood stream

that is already full

with my own pain.

I am a vampire of pain

I feed on people's pain

I go out at night and search for pain

I sit in bars and drink pain

I go to parties and dance pain.

And then I find you

and suck your pain

let it flow in my blood stream

and solute

with my own pain.

I am a vampire of pain

I feed on people's pain

but your pain is too severe

it flows in my blood stream

and solutes

poisons my body

poisons my soul

until I cannot feel

my own pain.

Comparativeness

Come to ease with me

Make me some tea

Tell me about a band I haven't heard of

Speak until my pain is gone

Then hug me gently

Smile

Shine your eyes with joy and naughtiness

And let me smell your comfort life.

Come to alrert me

Make me smoke

Tell me about a fight you were involved in

Speak until my pain rises

Then hug me tight

Smile

Shine your eyes with malice and amusement

And let me smell your life struggle.

Rules

You sleep with me

but there are rules

I may kiss you

but I may not touch your hair

I may hug you

but I may not undress you

I may feel your pain

but you don't speak about it anymore.

These are the rules,

take it or leave it.

I take it.

You know I do.

I sleep with you

but there is a rule

You may not use violance.

This is the rule,

take it or leave it.

You don't take it.

I know you don't.

I sleep with you

There are no rules.

The city is too big for me

The city is too big for me

too many people

too much noise

too many options

too much seduction

too much pain

too many emotions

too many sensations.

And one wave, but it's a big one.

And I've dived into the ocean, 

allowing this wave to hit me again and again.

Wherever I go, I see him, I feel him, can't stay away from him.

My senses are caught in a whirling.

A whirling of the senses.

And I'm struggling to differentiate between right and wrong.

I might be failing.

The right feels so wrong...

The wrong feels so right...

The right is painful, demanding, I need to pull myself together every time in order to function...

The wrong... 

the wrong is selfish.

It's chaotic and exciting and passionate and toxicating... and painful.

poems

When I do nothing

I have time to miss you,

to think about you,

to process my emotions,

and to write poems.

I write so many of them,

they pile one on top of another,

a pile of love 

and longings 

and pain.

But I don't want to miss you.

I want to write poems.

Sleep in my hug

You sleep in my hug

and say

hug me

You put your head on my breasts

and say

hug me

You look at me

and say

hug me

You turn your back at me

and say

hug me

I hold you tight

and whisper

I am hugging you

I hold you tighter

and don't say

give me your pain

I will take it away from you

I will set you free

from the cage 

of pain and abuse

that encloses you.

Superposition

The addition of two waves

can be constructive 

or destructive. 

So does the addition of two souls

or two bodies.

But we don't call it physics,

we call it a relationship.

Superposition

The total response 

caused by two waves 

is the sum of the responses

caused by each wave individually.

But our total response

was an explosion.

Don't compare emotions with linear systems.

Waves

Waves are a form of energy transmission,

just like love.

I transmit my energy to you,

you transmit your energy to me.

The energy is being transmitted,

but we remain in our place.

Until we reach high energies

and break.

Like waves on the rocks.

Grammar

I miss you

I am missing you

I missed you

I was missing you

I have missed you

I have been missing you

I had missed you

I had been missing you

So many conjugations,

but you haven't used any.

I will miss you

I am going to miss you

I will be missing you

I will have missed you

I would miss you

I would be missing you

I would have missed you

I would have been missing you

So many future tenses,

but none for us.

My notebook

My poems and my drawings

reflect my memories

my thoughts

my feelings

I lost my notebook...

my poems...

my drawings...

my best creation... 

But my memories

my thoughts

my feelings

my creation

are imprinted in me.

Everything happened here

Everything happened here...

You loved me and you didn't love me...

Everything.

Everything happened here...

I loved you and I hated you...

Everything.

Everything happened here...

You loved me and I loved you...

Then no more.

Everything.

It is not safe to be me

Don't say where you are from,

he told me.

It's not safe.

Disguise your identity.

Hide.

I don't want to hide

I don't want to live under a disguise

I want to be me.

I cannot change my past.

Don't say where you are from,

he told me.

Why didn't he say

I love you

I've missed you

I want to dance with you

I want to hug you.

It is not safe to be me,

there is a war going on,

people are bombing each other,

people are dying,

people are being deported from their homes...

but I just want to love you again.

Everybody pretends something

Everybody pretends something...

What do you pretend?

That you are not in love with your best friend

That you are not afraid

That you are powerful

That you like everyone

That everyone likes you

That you know what you want

What do I pretend?

That I'm indifferent to you

Life is about coincidences

Life is about coincidences.

Coincidentally I met you.

Coincidentally I fell in love with you.

Coincidentally you didn't fall in love with me.

Coincidentally we stopped talking.

Coincidentally our ways split apart.

Coincidentally I thought about you yesterday.

Coincidentally I think about you every day.

Life is about coincidences.

Coincidentally I met another man.

Coincidentally I didn't fall in love with him.

Coincidentally he didn't fall in love with me.

Coincidentally we were happy together.

Coincidentally our ways split apart.

Coincidentally I thought about him today.

Coincidentally I don't think about you every day.

Rewrite

I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.

I want to be with someone.

I want to be.

Oh, no,

it's wrong.

Try again.

I want to be.

I want to be with someone.

I want to be with someone who wants to be with me.

No,

it's still wrong.

I don't want.

I am.

A woman and a man saying goodbye

A woman and a man saying goodbye

He is going back to his home country

She is staying

in the country in which they traveled

and met

and were happy together.

They took their moment

and then let it slip away.

Impermanence.

A woman and a man looking for each other

A woman and a man looking for each other

on the streets

on the beach

in their thoughts

in each other's arms.

He makes coffee for them

sometimes tea

he pours one glass after another

and they talk

and laugh

and sit close to each other

and they are happy.

They play cards

he is impressed by how fast she plays...

he wanted to teach her

but she already knows...

it's her favourite childhood game...

and she is happy,

he is happy too.

They listen to music,

he has a huge collection

she founds and plays songs she knows by heart

from her past

he plays songs she has never heard before

of artists she has never heard of

and he tells her their stories

and she dances

he doesn't, he never does

and he is happy,

she is happy too.

A woman and a man looking for each other

they have found

they are happy

then they are saying goodbye...

an island of sanity

In my crazy ride in Egypt

you were an island of sanity.

Easy, open, fluent.

In my tramping days

you were a home to me.

Relaxed, generous, safe.

When I was sad, you cheered me up.

When I was happy, you made me happier.

Without seeing my dark side

you saved me from myself 

helped me heal my wounds

and restore the balance in my life.

Did I do the same?

A man and a woman facing each other

A man and a woman facing each other

with grace

with respect

with curiosity,

with humour... 

Gently getting closer.

Slowly feeling at home.

He is telling her about his sister,

that he adopted,

and tries to save

from herself...

but he never knows if he'll see her again.

About his mother,

that loves him,

and likes picking him up from the airport,

but he doesn't visit a lot

and doesn't like her food.

He is telling her about the woman he wants to marry,

but she lets him down every time,

and it never happens.

About the woman he loves,

but their worlds are too far apart,

and he wants simple life, not complicated one...

About the woman who lived with him,

and loved him,

and also loved another man,

and lived with that man,

and again loved him,

and lived with him...

but it's already in his past.

Only the pain is in the present.

He is telling her about random women,

with whom he spent few nights,

few hours,

or none at all.

Women who are only photos to him.

He is telling

and she is listening,

diving into his soul,

his loneliness,

his lostness,

his hopes.