Every day

Every day I tell myself I should leave you alone

Yet every night I fail to do so.

Every day I decide not to text you, not to call you

Yet after few hours I text, I call.

Every day I know I should forget about you

Yet every day I remember.

I'm walking in a city that is not yours

I'm walking in a city that is not yours and looking for you.

I'm checking people's faces,

perhaps one of them is you.

I'm looking at the local cafes,

maybe you are sitting there.

I'm staring at the sea.

The wide sea that connects your home country with mine.

Waiting for you to rise up,

like a wave,

with the waves,

and break into my arms.

More questions

 

Are you happy I left?

Are you angry?

Did you really want me to stay?

Do you really want me to come back?

Do you think about me when you lay in your bed...?

when you close your eyes...?

when no one is hugging you...?

Do you think about me when you sit in our favourite cafes?

Will you think about me at the next party?

And do you love me?

Have you finally realised that you love me...?

Questions

Can you read my mind?

hear my thoughts?

feel my longings?

can you sense how much I miss you?

and do you think about me?

or have you forgotten my body already...?

my kisses...?

my comfort...?

your tears...?

I miss you

I miss you.

I'm by the sea

watching the waves

the rebelling drops

that are no longer in their place...

it's a romantic place, the sea shore

it's also a place to be alone...

to wonder

about you

and me

our past

our no future

our pain

you are not answering my messages

it's your way of saying goodbye

your way of disconnecting 

you know I can't stay away from you

you are my drug

I am addicted

I was waiting the whole night for you to call me

you didn't

I guess you won't

I think it's for the best

but I don't know anything anymore...

I just know that I miss you

and you are not here.

A test to my path...

My heart, 

my soul, 

my mind, 

got tested.

Question everything, ha...?

I did.

My dignity, 

my integrity, 

my morality, 

my desires, 

my inner strength, 

my body strength, 

my will of survival, 

my way of living... 

I questioned them all, 

challenged them all, 

exhausted them all, 

broke some of them...

But I'm strong. 

I always get up, 

wipe the dust off me, 

smile,

and continue... 

I don't give up. 

I don't break. 

I'm not a wave.

Not a rock.

I'm a mountain.

(If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things.

René Descartes: Principles of Philosophy)

It's late

It's late

I'm tired

you are not here

I'm sitting and thinking about you...

sitting being angry with you...

sitting and falling asleep...

you are not here

I don't even know if you will come

I'm tired

It's late

I just want to touch you

to hug you

to be close to you 

And I want you to touch me

to hug me

to be close to me

There's a great intimacy in sleeping with someone

There's a great intimacy in sleeping with someone.

Only sleeping. 

Feeling him at night.

But he is so closed...

He lets me feel only his body, 

not his heart, 

not his soul, 

not even his whole body...

He is avoiding

me or himself

I cannot tell.

But I sense his pain

Sometimes I see his pain

Sometimes he shuts down.

distress

There is a reason 

why people who have 

no home, 

no anchor, 

are confused, 

stressed, 

sometimes crazy.

Not knowing when you'll sleep at night, 

night after night, 

destabilizes the soul 

and the mind.

We need an anchor in our life. 

A company, 

or a place, 

or an object,

to protects us.